To introduce myself, I am a author who has liven life to its fullest. Always beaming with energy, joy, love and care for others. I don’t remember a single second of my life, where I can say I lived for myself. A person with a big heart, A best friend which one desires of. A giver. A perfect son, A perfect family guy and a big time failed lover!
Though m praising myself but none of these attributes have ever been appreciated!Lol.
Till I was 20 or say even 22, I had a almost happening & a peaceful life where I lived in my own little world where I was happily surviving till things took a ugly turn, when I turned 23!
Yes I turned 23. Now I have to behave like a semi-matured 30yr old and a semi-matured 19yr old but not the way I want to as a 23yr old.
Yes I turned 23, people around me are expecting that I should have atleast 2degrees in hand! If not two atleast a good paying job.
Or else?
Else, You are not a successful person, no one will look at you, everyone will befriend you including your closest friends and family. But why?
What if I just want to feed a puppy or sit at the mountain top with a buddhist monk?
What if I am 23 and still I just want to hang around? I want to roam the world or just party hard like those guys in the Hangover movies do? No, sorry, I can’t!
These are pre-decided norms which you have to follow.
Turn 23, either go for masters or work in a fucking high paying stressful job in order to please your parents, society and my future father and mother in laws!
At 23, I realized, you just can’t be yourself even if you want to.
At 23, I also lost one best friend after another. While one was never a best friend, one went far away and another one was the one who was actually not a best friend! All of them whom I considered my best friends.
It is only time which makes you see true colors. At 23, I was one of them as I had no one around me.
The friend in whose house I used to live my entire life and the one who could not live without me, I haven’t been thru his new place even six times in the last six months! The reason? Yes I am talking about a two decade old friendship, imagine!
Well, he is kind of busy now, you can’t force anybody to be with you were some of my friend’s dialogues.
And when I was lonely & depressed, These were the dialogues- “Go find your own way” ” M not answerable to you, I will meet when I want to” “you are not my girlfriend”
The story with all the people whom I considered my best friend today are far away and everyone has their own stories.
Today all people want and expect from me is to be a successful guy? Like wtf? What if I just want to be a happy & a peaceful guy.
So only if I work and earn with few degrees in my pocket, I am a good person.
People have turned this world into such a cruel thing full of stress, mess, competition and materialistic benchmarks that half of us or even more have forgot to live.
Today at 23, I am not regretting the fact that I am not doing a typical 9 to 6 job, but I am regretting the fact, that jobs are no more jobs, they are a rat race where u r made to work like a slave 9-12hrs a day like a robot, reach home late, sleep and again go out on a rat-race the next day, where does life exist in this?Are you happy?
Today at 23, I don’t regret that I failed on my start-ups and business ideas, I regret that talent is never going to be promoted or recognized unless you have money. “Every fucking idea needs a financier” I regret there is no space for creativity, for a normal person to grow who has limited resources.
Today at 23, I am not jealous, looking at a guy driving mercedes, but I am jealous when I see two real good friends spending time with each other and having fun!
Today at 23, I dnt have regrets over my failures, I have regret that I don’t have a single person standing for me when I need somebody to meet or talk. A friend who can meet me whenever I call or a friend whom I can go and meet whenever I want to.
Today at 23, I dnt feel jealous looking at good looking couples making out, but I feel jealous and also regret the fact that the girl I loved and the one who could have loved me too, did things in a hurry and got married to a guy. Before she could understand anything, she did things in a hurry. Not her fault but mine! I should have taken the steps to get her!
Today at 23, I dnt have regrets over my love life. I have regret over those girls who went behind money & materialistic things and not true love. The girl who never understood my love or whoever’s love.
Today at 23, I am not regretting the money I lost in stocks, but I am regretting the amount of time, love and care I invested on people who discarded me from their life or let’s say in whose life i am hardly a part of. This bad investment hurts me more. I totally feel like a loser!
Today at 23, I don’t regret that I am not getting a paycheque or I don’t have a good swanky car or a lifestyle, but today I regret the fact that my dad left me stranded 4years ago and mom went away when i was just 8. I regret the fact that if even I had parents, my life could have been so much different & better.
Today at 23, I don’t regret that I could not make my family & friends proud with the so called “success”.But I regret when they don’t notice & ignore the big-heart in me, the childish spirit, my zen like energy and humor, my love, care and attention which I can give and just expect me to be successful. Dats it. I mean, what is successful? Can anyone please teach me or tell me?
Today at 23, I don’t regret that I may have not been able to give my family money for the past few months. But I regret the fact that my family & the society judges me purely on my earning abilities. Now for them, I maybe eating “free ka food” and living in their house if i am not doing a decent job, I may have become a liability, there are arguments and cribbing everyday over me not going to office & doing a typical 9 to 6 job! They consider me not to be successful enough, in straight words a ‘lazy loser”, they may be thinking their efforts of growing me up were not worth it because I could not give them those few tens of thousands of bucks or the so called “success”. I regret that I am being judged as a human being purely on the basis of my earning abilities.
Today at 23, I am not regretting the fact that I have become very calm, reserved, hard-skinned, bitter & pessimistic but I regret that I lost the child in me, the innocence in me, the fearless energy and humor inside me, the never lose attitude and the crazy adventurer in me.
Today at 23, I think the biggest failure I achieved is “loneliness” as I never deserved it. Living life for others all the time and this is what you get in return, where no one’s even standing for you.
Today at 23, I am out there trying to figure out the real motive and purpose of my life and people around me are shouting at me. “what the hell are you doing with your life” or “why the hell are you not finding some work?”
Its okay, let people say what they want. We still have a lot of time. Unless and until you don’t figure out what you want in life? There is no point in abiding to the laws of the world or the society or even family or your peers and do what sounds pleasing to other”s ears.
Because once you are sorted out, gathering yourself, once you have found your motive and purpose to live, no fucking power of the world will stop you from doing what you want to achieve.
Today I have reached a point, where my extreme depression is killing me from inside but forcing me to behave normally and smile with friends and family so they don’t freak out.
Hence, don’t fall under the traps of competiton,stress, love or friendships at this age as nothing out of all these will ever help you when you are stranded alone. It will be only you who will reach a realization and move on.
And one more thing, though its too late for people to understand in this cool 21st century. But success is not by how much you earn, or how many degrees you have or which car you are driving.
